Whether you’re feeling well, or like dog shit… undoubtably all this shit going down at the moment is catching up with you. For me it feels like the longer we stay on this trajectory, the less likely I am to get the well-deserved rest I need. The need for a holy-day would be the best way to describe it. Well maybe not a single day, maybe a couple weeks, why not years? At what point can you say enough’s enough?

I’ve seen whisperings and echo chambers of the need for a break within many of my friends and family. And I think it’s going unnoticed. The conscious stresses are real, but what I mean by ‘unnoticed’ is that of the subconscious. It’s the detriment to my subconscious that is being chewed away by the nature of the world we find ourselves in. I enjoy the many privileges associated with my hard work. I have a job. I have the time to write and express myself. But it’s not enough, and nor does it need to be.

I caught myself saying to myself on the way home, ‘well, this is it, might as well find a way to make it work’. And sure, like many of you I feel the compulsion to complain and become outraged. But arguing won’t get me anywhere, because quite honestly: who would I address it with? “Hey mate, I’m fit and healthy, I’ll take my chances, fuck all this none-sense.” Sure it would be nice, but who’s on the other end listening? Echo… echo… echo…

I’ve been here before. There’s no simple remedy or changes in perspective that will change the reality of the situation we all currently face. And that’s an important realisation. ‘Currently face.’ “So, David, spin this shit around for me.” One of the best tools I have in my mental makeup is to just fucking stop. Pump the brakes, see the turn you’re coming into and just fucking slam that foot down until you come to a complete stop. There’s nothing positive, there’s no light at the end of the tunnel that should concern you now. Just give in. Watch the world go by and surrender.

People, myself included, throw around terms like, ‘never give up!’, ‘never take no for an answer!’, ‘never stop pushing!’. And that’s a valid perspective to a certain extent. But now for some disturbing personal anecdotal evidence:

For those that know me, you may think I crawled my way back from being committed to a few mental institutions on a number of occasions. I had so many admissions because I kept trying to get back to ‘me’. To the person that believed all those past statements about taking on the world and charging into adversity. But it was right at the moment I chose to give up that I went on a journey that has enabled me to stay out of hospital and break the habits that were killing me.

Giving soul crushing moments in time your full attention is absolutely necessary.  Maybe you haven’t met a cross-road that required such an extreme stance - that actually requires the necessity for caving in. And I would encourage you to not do it, unless your circumstances are dire. But if they are, and every day’s a struggle, give the pressing issues on top of your mind the opportunity to reach the bottom.

When the bottom comes, your identity may have been stripped away but that’s it. There’s nothing worse, nothing more to fear, it’s over. You will be minimally functional and you can find your way back. Because despite having nothing left, you will be left, mentally and physically. It’s tempting at such a point to plan your future… ‘I’m gunna get up early, I’m going to run every day, I’m going to find a new job…’ But know. That empty tank, that shell that remains, that’s all you need. The rest will work itself out and trust me, it will.

‘Well, that was kind of out there and forward,’ you may be thinking… But fuck it. What would you rather, if you’ve made it this far? A bed time story, a history of the weather patterns, a quote from a famous author that uplifts you and denies your particular tragedy the time of day?

Give yourself time to heal. I need it, we all need it.

So, what am I going to personally do? I’m going to use the tools at my disposal to ensure I have the capacity to help those around me, should it be required. Having given into life previously, I know I have that choice to make should I so need. But right now, I just need to keep going and give in at the opportune time. Like tonight, I’ve chosen to write. Tomorrow, while I’m not working, maybe I’ll just lie around and be a piece of shit. ROFL…

But seriously, should it be necessary, let your persona take a rest. It will recreate itself when you least expect it. Maybe it’s as simple as going into work late, having a rest day, going on a holiday (restrictions permitting) or validating how you actually feel and acknowledging everything isn’t OK right now.

Peaks and troughs, fuck the others while they scoff.